You would think a little girl at three years old would be the happiest little girl. Nothing but smiles, dresses, and dolls right? You think its hard to be a normal teenager in middle school? Well, that did not happen to for me. What happens when that monster comes back when you are a teenager? What happens when not even the lights keep the monsters away?
I dont remember exactly what happened at that age starting at three. What I do remember I’ve had to piece together with the help of counslers and attorneys and other family members. I remember at that age I was in a room with clowns and I was scared. I remember there was a blow up doll and my dad’s face. I dont remember talking to anyone about it. I then remember my dad being gone for nine years. He was brought up on charges but there was not enough evidence. He failed a lie detector test. But still they let him go. He claimed that is made up by my mother. But if he didn’t do it. Why did he disappear for nine years. Where did he go? Why did he go?
Then when I was just getting out of elementry school there was a fire in our apartment. We had to move and my mom moved closer to where my dad lived. I had found out where because I knew my uncle was in the phone book and I called him. He gave me my dad’s address. I walked there to try and see who he was. I learned he had a new life with a new family and he had my baby sister. I didn’t know what a big mistake that was to get to know him. The saving grace was my step mom. She was the best parent I had since my grandma passed away.
Getting to know the monster…
At first my dad comes of as the Mr nice guy. He fouled many people. He charmed me into moving in with him. He used my love of my new sister and my step mom to his advantage. Also he knew mom was a bad person because I told my step mom all the stuff that happened in her care. I told her all the things that my mom let men do to me. She saved me. My step mom loves me even to this day unconditionally. But my dad… hurt her too. He hurt my sister. My step mom wasn’t married to my dad. She couldn’t take me. I was in the care of one of the worst predators in the world… my own father.
So things got strange after my step mom and sister left. My dad wouldn’t let me go anywhere. He would ground me and make even a simple mistake out to be bigger than it was. He took new school clothes away from me for school for one thing I dont even remember what I did. I had to get clothes from the counselor because I didn’t have any that fit me. He wouldn’t let me see my friends. I couldn’t have any over… and the one I did let spend the night… he touched her leg. She never came back. What’s worse is he got custody of my baby sister. He would make me take night time sleep cold meds every night. And I would remember waking up and seeing him in my room in his underwear looking at me. My clothes were off. I slept in pj’s. Then one day I was in the bath and when I sat up from washing my hair… I saw him. He was watching me under the door to the bathroom. I yelled omg dad? And I heard big steps running from the bathroom down the hall. He said it was the dog.
The next day I told my school cop at the middle school. They called my mom. The other monster in my life. So I was sent back there for the holidays. After that I was forced to go home to hell. My sister who was three at the time. She said to me. Daddy hurts me. So from then until the summer… I put up with the sexual abuse from my dad. I wasn’t gonna let him hurt her. I couldn’t allow my sister to feel the way I did. He was drugging me with the sleep time meds, still coming in my room at night. One time I woke up and he was standing over me. He said “I’m done go back to sleep.”
my step mom was getting custody back of my sister. I waited as long as I could. Then one day when he was at work. I told my sister. Mom is coming for you. My mom will not let me go with you. I gave her my Tigger beanie baby… I said I will find you again. I love you. Then my dad came as I was taking my stuff to my mom’s and ripped my sister from me. I remember my sister scream please no I wanna stay with sissy. I won’t see her again. That’s when the next chapter of hell with my birth mother started.
But in the meantime he had a new victim. His new girlfriend. She had a son and i knew she would watch out for my sister. She found pictures of naked teenagers and she and my step mom took Marissa back. No more hurting for either of us girls.
He has talked to me as an adult. He trashes all the women he was with. He has had three major relationships fail. He has had protective orders from other women. He also told his family that I was dead. He didn’t want them to know what he did. They still to this day think he is innocent. He took the innocence away from two little girls. He took our childhoods. But we won’t let him win anymore.
Till this day that memory of my sister brings me to my knees in tears. But I know my step mom would keep her safe. I love my sister and my step mom… wait who am I kidding my mom. She is my mom. She is my Hero.
ChildHood Monsters 